Locker Room Conversations

I work out 5 days a week at the Electronics Company gym and so far it’s been uneventful until recently.

Last Wednesday- I usually don’t talk to anyone while I’m working out because, well, I’m working out…
A coworker comes up to me on while I’m on the elliptical and says…
Coworker: Hey K! What are you doing?
Me: Hey, working out, you too?
Coworker: Yeah, so I was going to ask you about a work related thing…can I ask you now?
Me: Um, no…I’m working out right now…
Coworker: OK, well it’ll just take a minute…
Me: I’m working out, we can set aside some time later today, but I’m working out so…
Coworker: Really? You can’t just give me 2 minutes?
Me: It is “a fire”?
Coworker: No..
Me: Then nope, We’ll talk about it later…thanks, and have a good workout!
She stands there for a couple of minutes not believing I just blew her off, before she walks away.

Tuesday- I’m done working out and am changing my clothes in the back. This 40-something woman comes back and stops right in front of me on her cell phone. I’m naked-changing my clothes and this chick is holding a conversation about her ailing father hanging over me by 5 inches….I’m feeling stared at and bit..um… vulnerable…
Me: Hey, back the hell up..
Stoopid Woman on her Cell: Wait a minute- What?
Me: I said, back the hell up..
Stoopid Woman on her Cell: I’m not..
Me: OK, get the fuck off me and out of here if you’re going to be on that thing OK? This is a locker room not a fucking phone booth, I’m also not particularly interested in the health of your dad..so get the hell away from me.
Stoopid Woman on her Cell: fine, screw you!
Me: Yeah, with a stick!

Wednesday- I’m done working out and am changing my clothes and decided to blow dry my hair…There is a 20-something girl changing her clothes and talking on her cell-loudly…I start blow drying my hair and…
Stoopid Chick on her Cell: Hey! I’m on the phone, can you turn that off?!
Me: Turning up the blow dryer to high, and looking straight at her…expressionless..
Stoopid Chick on her Cell: Hey! I said turn that off, I’m on the phone!
Me: Still looking at her, yelling loudly-What? I’m sorry, I can’t hear you!
Stoopid Chick on her Cell: Hey! Hey! (she ends her conversation and goes to workout)

Tid-bits

Life

Things are getting better and the light is now visible at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to all of my friends for “being there” and the many offers of assistance-it means more to me than I can express. Thanks to Hensch for the offer upon offer and patience you’ve shown me-I owe you a good leg sister! Thanks to Steve my jack of all trades! Eternal gratefulness to my parents who are and have been helping me to make ends meet and have been my sounding board through all of this! Finally to P-you are the greatness and goodness of what all human beings should strive to become.
I can’t give any details but it seems things are falling into place now and that my finances will hopefully ease up in the next month or so. I will try to re-fi the house again next month, the car will be done and fixed by week’s end and I have my new legs that I’m “slowly” breaking in.

Post Surgery Workouts

I’ve been finding now that I’m working out again that I am better, stronger and faster. I managed to stay at a pounding heart rate of 180 for 45 mins at a 3% incline…all while listening to Van Halen, Whitesnake, Cheap Trick, 38 Special and the Outfield…not to bad I don’t think… I’m still trying to get back to “lifting” the weight I had before but am 20 under it for the time being.
I’m planning to contact Dr Kass in the next few days about a follow up, the insurance to proceed with phases 2 and 3, and the numbness I’m experiencing below the insertion site (my shin) on my left leg. Other than, I’m kicking it in on the working out and my legs have lost 1” on each. I’m thinking it’s the swelling I had going on for such a long time finally subsiding….

Work

Just something inside me lately has just wanted to shut down for a bit and just take a break-reset so to speak. To not have to worry about the time, money, my job(s) and just sit at home for a couple of days and read those 4 books on my nightstand, go see some great music and meet people…perhaps I just need a vacation.
I’m still not thrilled with working at the Electronics Company. They have more bullshit meetings that I have to partake in…it’s crap all the way around. I haven’t figured out though if it’s the company itself or the Dept. I’ve always hated HR etc but other than the Diversity Dept; I have no clue how anything in the other two depts. benefit our stores. I’m thinking of transferring into the Music or Marketing dept after December. I like the people in the depts., I hate the depts. It just feels as if I have no purpose and that I’m just sitting here spinning my wheels…

I find that again, I’m getting myself into trouble at the airport. We are in the middle of a merger and the new company is a bunch of assholes. We’re having to re-apply for our jobs, retake our drug tests, background checks etc, reestablish pay rate, are being put on a new pay schedule and have to take 2 classes on basic HR crap. Unfortunately for me this means I need to take 2 half days off to take these classes. They are unwilling to budge to assist me in working out a schedule. I was told to “do it or be terminated”. I also made the mistake of miscounting and adding an additional $100. to my deposit. I was able to correct the issue throughout the day by “over selling” to make up for the $100. and came out $33.85 over. I was told that if I do this after the merger, I’d be fired. (sigh), just like I was to be fired if I didn't wear a belt..


Dating

Shannon and I went out to see one of our favorite bands and have drinks last week. She and I are dealing with something similar and I decided to take her out since she was feeling a bit down. Many shots of Jameson, tears and several beers later I decided to give up on “Mr. Online” and relinquish any attachment I have to any guy that is married.
So that means:
“Mr. semi famous Online”- haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks, hurt my feelings and lied about being married…over it!
Mgr at Electronics Company (Mr Berkley Professor)- MAJOR wuss! Too much sunshine for me and he’s married…over it.
Guy I met 3 weeks ago at Hairball show (Mr. “Are you Slow?”)- He’s very smart, very cool and has already saved my ass with the car. Unfortunately I hate his lifestyle. He parties too much, isn’t structured, ambitious, creative, and doesn’t take care of himself being that he’s in his forties. He seems too easy to manipulate and I certainly don’t want someone like that. So we decided to remain friends. He’s a friend that I can go to a sports bar, drink beers and watch a football game with..can’t beat that!

However, in the course of the past year I have slowly developed a slight “crush” on one of the members of a local band the girls and I see. He seems funny, a bit introverted but is “the consummate entertainer”, smart, ambitious, creative, he’s my age and not MARRIED! He’s not in great shape, extremely hot or anything, just a simple guy that probably drinks straight out of the milk carton just like any other single guy.
I’m trying to play this one logically and practically, since I didn’t with “Mr. Online” and it got me nowhere. There’s a lot of competition that’s also vying for his attention so I’m thinking my odds are zip…but never hurts to try…guaranteed I’m smarter than 90% of them anyway..
When Shannon and I were out he approached us. He focused his energy on speaking to Shannon and glanced at me twice. ?? This leads me to believe that he is either disinterested, or intimidated. Neither one I can figure out… If disinterested, why talk to us at all? If intimidated; why ?? I’m not scary; I’m just a nice girl that won’t put up with your shit …

I Hate This Life-Can I Have Yours Part D-oh!

I’m recovering more and more each day from my leg surgery and due to go in tomorrow to have the other one worked on. However I’d noticed in the last couple of days that my car was not “kicking in” when I shifted it into gear and I was having issues keeping it at 60 mph going home. I was hoping to keep it going until Friday, since I have Friday evening off. It became increasingly worse last night coming home from the airport to the point where my dad convinced me not to wait and just bring it in.
To make a long story short, I was on my way to meet P at the body shop and the car just stopped moving. The engine was running the car just wouldn’t move. So I called the body shop to tell them that I was bringing it in, called the towing company and then called P to come get me. As we waited in the car for the towing company, I broke out in tears. See, if you’ve been keeping up you already know that I’m $7,000 in debt and my mortgage jumped up and I am hanging on by a thread to make sure I don’t default AND I just had minor leg surgery 2 days ago. Now this. I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me that my car is now toast. If it were February and I had my tax check in hand, I’d be golden, but that’s 3 months away and I have no car and am a hair from losing my house. In my hysteria I screamed that I wish I had died when I had cancer 2 years ago. It would be a hell of a lot better than this crap. MISTAKE! P went nuts and started screaming at me about how dumb I was for saying that, that I am his family, he cares about me and so do other people, that by wishing that I was being quite stoopid and selfish. He held my hand and promised that he, I and with perhaps some help, will work it out. I actually believed it for a second. I just can’t figure out how.

Now, if you keep up with me or have looked in my archives, I’m usually in some kind of debt. That’s part of my life I guess. It’s not debt from shopping sprees or lack of money mgmt but usually car issues or overpaying on my debt that makes me go into debt. I took on a majority of P’s debt at one point and it never ended after that. Then it was my car that was my debt for awhile, then school, then adjusting my finances from a $600/mo apartment payment to a $1075./mo house payment to $6,000 in medical bills, heating costs from last winter and car issues. I’d love to take the bus but the bus stop is 5 miles away on the other side of town and I have the job at the airport….. The last bus that comes into my town is at 7p, my job at the airport ends at 9p.


Anyway, I’m caught in a situation where I need to decide between my house or a car, I can’t afford to do both. So there it is…black and white.


A job as a stripper is looking pretty good right now I gotta tell ya.


Self pity aside, my friend Stacey is currently facing breast cancer….show her some love and sign her guest book.. Love ya and hang in there Stace!

Jumping into the Deep End of the Pool

Well howdy there!!!!
Yes, yes, I’ve been the crabby crab of the world lately-I am very aware of this…. Please don’t get me wrong, I love my life for the most part but this dragging out of the house crap and my dating issues have left me as of late, well, feeling quite frustrated. I’ve been going on tons of runs through the woods and doing a lot of thinking and perhaps I’m going about this all the wrong way.
See, I’ve always prided myself on my self worth, my smarts, tried to carry myself with some dignity and behave like a lady. This is why you’ll never see me with my boobs bursting out of my shirt, wearing obscenely high heels, crotch baring short skirts and my stomach exposed in a too short shirt. I’m not too sure about the guys I’d attract if I went that route. I’ve always been one to fall for the smart guy who wouldn’t be attracted to the “slutty looking, bursting-out-of-my-shirt” type of girl. Smart guys have a tendency (at least in my experience) to like the subtle, hanging-out-quietly-in-the-background type of girl, which is what I do/have been doing. I took a chance and attempted to break out a bit with “Mr. Online” and am trying to do this with another guy I’ve had my eye on recently. Quite frankly it sometimes left me feeling cheap and degraded because I’m so much smarter and better than that. So far I haven’t had any luck either way and am seriously contemplating becoming the “slutty looking, bursting-out-of-my-shirt” type just to go outside “the box”. My friends and family tell me that I have the “don’t even think about it” look a cookin’ most of the time which is why only a limited few approach me. In my own defense I don’t think I’m completely a beast, unless of course you come up to me and say something dumb or crass. Really, if you wouldn’t say it to your mother, don’t say it to me. Enough said there…

Surgery!

I’ve decided to step it up a bit on my plan for self improvement. I’m having leg surgery on November 13th…just minor-really! I will be able to go right back to work right afterwards, will not need stitches nor will there be any scarring.
After a 2 hour exam of both my legs it was brought to my attention that my right leg is preventing me from stepping up my exercise activities.
1. Apparently both my legs were swollen-especially my right when he examined me.
– I do notice this a lot but figured it was because my legs are heavier.
2. The reason why I can’t seem to run past the 3 mile mark is because my calf muscles aren’t getting enough blood to them so they become “heavier” thus harder to run.
em>– Which I had noticed a bit, but assumed it was just me having more weight on my legs than the rest of my body.
3. He asked if I had gotten cramps in my right calf quite a bit and how that would be typical for someone who didn’t have a lot of blood going to that area.
em>–Yes, I do and anyone who knows me has at some point had to help me rub out a calf cramp!
4. I’m more susceptible to blood clots if I let this go.
–I definitely don’t want that!

I originally scheduled it for the end of month, but changed it so I would have more of an opportunity to heal over Thanksgiving break, than at work. I can’t exercise for 2 weeks, which just might kill me. No outdoor running and no lifting more than 10 lbs. for 2 weeks! Then I go back for a check up and see if the veins re routed themselves properly, then to saline the shit out of both legs to clean them up.
Once February/March hits I have an appt set up to have the discoloration on my torso lasered and some sun damaged areas done as well. Then I should be in good shape…


Website and Blog

I had created my “baby”, thoughtsandwhatnots.com back in 2001 when I first started writing, before this blog thing kicked in. I was one of the few that created by hand; learning basic HTML, to create a website. Well, I’m thinking of pulling the website and just keeping my “toddler” site Ideas & Tid-bits and then perhaps changing it to a video blog instead of writing. I seem to come across better, more real etc than I do when I write and the ideas that come with live blogging are much more fluid than if I wrote them down. I’m currently looking to cameras at the electronics company so once I can wrap my head around all parts and contingencies I will make the announcement.

There are certain benefits that come with only having only the blog such as it’s FREE, it’s “auto” hosted and eventually Google will come up more accessories to add to it as blogging grows. The thing I will miss the most about the website is that I can create multiple pages. I can add a bio page, an art page, etc whereas Blogger doesn’t have those features. The Thoughts site also allows me to create and change out my own layout whereas you pick and choose, then alter an already existing layout. I have some tricks and ideas about this that I’m throwing at Google as we speak. So hopefully some of them will be implemented. I’m also in process of incorporating all Google “add-ons” into my Blogger site. I’m working with Picasa for my art and pictures, Google Reader for latest headlines, and Google Trends-Music to find out what the heck is going on in music these days. Google seems to be more stable and is free to use. I want to also incorporate music on the site so I’ll probably add a music player of some kind which I have yet to do some research on. So money being as tight as it is now, I’d be saving $20./mo if I didn’t have to host the Thoughts site….
Just some random thoughts...we'll see what happens...good weekend all!!!!
Wanna know what I'm up to? My calendar is here!!!

I Hate This Life-Can I Have Yours?

Updates upon updates!!!

The House

I was on my lenders website yesterday when lo and behold there was a notice indicating that “if you are having difficulties paying your monthly payment due to you’re loan with us adjusting, please call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx to re-negotiate your payment.” Now, you KNOW I was on that phone talking to them. They determined that I do qualify and all I needed to do was send them 2 pay stubs and a letter indicating why I needed help (even though I thought that the call and my credit would be a good indicator). In the next couple of weeks I will be in talks with U.S. Bank about a consolidation loan so I can keep my debt in one chunk and not have to constantly rotate payments around since my mortgage has gone up. That ought to help things a bit. My frig had also gone out around the same time Laura’s did but I couldn’t afford to fix it at the time. I got onto Home Star plus through my energy company and now can have them come fix it, along with the dishwasher that, for whatever reason won’t drain! So I’ve been eating out of a box for a month and it’s taken its toll on my pocketbook as well. Enough to have to beg a few friends and family for money.

Singlehood- The on going trauma to find Mr. "Close to perfect"...

Well for what I thought was a break up with Mr. Online, has taken a weird turn. He called me at work (which has never happened) and the lame thing is every time he calls me it’s only for 10 mins and I do all the talking….WTF?!! So now I hardly ever get an e-mail and once a week or so a 10 min lame ass call that sounds like he’s calling me between appointments…Please don’t bother, seriously!!!

Rachael, Beth and I were at a Hairball show and this random guy comes up and starts talking to us. Just as he starts talking to me the band starts up so all I see is his mouth moving. I lean over and I hear "What are you?-slow?" This instantly prompted me to flip him the bird and tell him to fuck off. He spent the good part of 15-20 mins apologizing profusely in an attempt to correct the situation. I finally relented and within 10 mins he says “Wow, you’re very cool and a very smart girl, more so than the other girls in this bar.” I also informed him that I hadn’t been drinking and that when you do you lose I.Q. points per drink. Hence, I’m the smartest person in the room! He asked for my number, called me on my business trip and asked me out over voicemail-not preferred by the way!!! We were to have met again at the Hairball Costume party but he wasn’t feeling well and cancelled.-Whatever!

Update 11/5- Just wanted to put it out there that RSB is very -ehm, nice AND he likes Vampyres!- if he only knew!! HA!

Jilly, my boss at the airport decided to take me out for a drink at Bennigan’s for helping her through another successful inventory session at our store. Some random guy who happens to also work at the electronics’ company, starts talking to me and then proceeds to make comment about “how big” my legs were. Then has the nerve to ask to get up so he can “check me out”..??? Once he was put into check by Jilly and I he goes back to his table of friends. He comes back over 30 mins later, fully loaded and proceeds to ask if he and I are going to get married, because I’m so cool and all. He asks me for my phone number-“umm, no”, my position at the electronics’ company- “no”, and if he can call me at work-“did I mention I work for the Director of HR?, no!” Apparently after I left he asked Jilly if she liked sex and would having some wit him, she rolled her eyes and left.

Update 11/5- This retard walks past the gym everyday to see if I’m working out.

Oct 22-23 I went on my first business trip with my department to Memphis for Diversity or “sensitivity” training. We stayed at the Westin-awesome tub, shower and a bed so soft I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud-but I digress. We visited the murder site of Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights Museum. Part of this training is that we get into groups and talk, really immerse ourselves into the topic. I’m not real comfortable with that type of discussion and had completely over dramatized it in my head and that we were going to end up beating drums in the middle of some forest getting in touch with out hidden emotions. It wasn’t as intense and the experience I found extremely profound. I cried a bit but mostly I fell for my Diversity manager. Yep. No shit and he’s married. I found that in his concern to keep me “protected” emotionally during this that I took/ am taking it as more than it is/was. He reminds me of one of those older, hippy, liberal, Berkeley professors, with the long curly hair, cardigan sweater (ala Mr. Rogers) full beard and mustache and a bit overweight. It doesn’t matter because in our 2 days I found that not only is he kind, but fucking brilliant. He gave me insight to shit I haven’t thought about and a new perspective on how to see most people instead of automatically thinking they are dumb. He asked me provocative questions and I found that he’s also a talented musician-go figure?!

Now that we are back in the office, it just seems awkward. Granted he has no clue that I feel this way and I’m slowly trying to get past it. I find myself seeking him out just to say hi-which is so stooped and beyond me! The man could care less since he has told me time and time again that he is married and seems to truly care for his wife.

Working out

Well have lost a lot of the bulk I put on after my "not so brilliant" 300 program. I’m just back to basics at this point. I’ve been lifting for an hour M-Th or M-F at the electronic company’s gym, on the weekends I run 1-3 miles for about an hour and am back to eating the basic stuff-veggies, chicken, fish and a bit of fruit. I haven’t lost any weight yet, but my legs and hips are toning up which is what I want. I’m due to meet with my trainer again next week for a run down and to change up my work outs again, since my body seems to adapt fairly quickly to whatever he comes up with. I figure in 3 months of this type of dedication I should be Olympic shape…

I have decided after about 2 weeks of marathon training to discontinue.

Reason 1- Matt confessed to falling for me which is why he volunteered to train me…..

I think I’ll stick to just having him walk me out of the airport, if that.

Reason 2- Life, as usual is getting in the way of my plans and

Reason 3- not enough time to train for the Rock n’ Roll marathon.

Memphis-the Business Trip

Not gonna spend too much time on this topic since it is work afterall!

I was required to attend Diversity-"sensitivity training" in Memphis where we got into groups and discussed racial discrimination and the like, toured Martin Luther King Jr's murder site (creepy and extremely profound at the same time) and the Civil Rights Museum.
As most of you know I hate business trips and the drama of it in my head was just that-drama. It ended up being extremely thought inducing and brought great insight to all of us and we had the opportunity to drink out on Beale Street!!! Whoo!
Here are the pictures: