Favorites as of Late

1- How Long-The Eagles
2- Love Is Free-Sheryl Crow
3- Chuck E’s in Love-Ricki Lee Jones
4- Let Me Go-Sonya Kitchell
5- Crazy Bitch-Buckcherry

1- My new white summer dress from Old Navy
2- My black worn out cowboy boots
3- Tank tops
4- Sandals
5- Nude nail polish on bare feets

1- Running in not too hot/cold weather
2- Jumping rope in the woods
3- New running shoes
4- New swimsuit
5- Going to Green Bay with the girls


1- Going to see good friends play great music with awesome friends
2- Not planning anything
3- Days off in the sun
4- Meeting cute guys unexpectedly
5- Wild Turkey!!!

What the Hell??!!!

I came home from the airport last night and found a note from the post office indicating I had a certified letter from my mortgage company to pick up. Then I walk down to get the mail. I see another letter from the mortgage company, open it, read it and freak when I see this.

NOTICE OF DEFAULT AND INTENT TO ACCELERATE

Blah, blah, blah, yadda,yadda, yadda, As of 3/18/08, the total amount necessary to bring your loan current is $1,969.92. Yadda, yadda, blah. Blah.
If you have not cured the default in 45 days of this notice, (insert shitty mortgage company name here) all outstanding amount will be considered due and payable and the aforementioned property will be referred for foreclosure..

What the fuck?!!! I OVER paid for the month of February and haven’t paid for March as of yet.. I just had this re-negotiated and sent in March 14th!!!!
I called them and it seems the “arm isn’t talking to the hand” so to speak. I am still waiting for my “case worker” to call me about umm, ANY of the questions I’ve left messages on… I have no clue what amount I SHOULD be paying for March!
At this point I should fucking sue!

My Favorite Mistake

"My Favorite Mistake"-Sheryl Crow
I woke up and called this morning
The tone of your voice was a warning
That you don't care for me anymore
I made up the bed we sleep in
I looked at the clock when you creep in
It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone

[Chorus:]
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day
I was just beginning
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake

Your friends are sorry for me
They watch you pretend to adore me
But I'm no fool to this game
Now here comes your secret lover
She'd be unlike any other
Until your guilt goes up in flames

[Chorus:]
Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day
I'd gotten used to spending
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake
You're my favorite mistake

Well maybe nothin' lasts forever
Even when you stay together
I don't need forever after
It's your laughter won't let me go
So I'm holding on this way

Did you know, could you tell
You were the only one
That I ever loved
Now everything's so wrong

Did you see me walking by?
Did it ever make you cry?
You're my favorite mistake

And it Keeps Coming…

OK, I swear it couldn’t get any better, I’m not kidding.

My g-friend tells me that while she was at work at the airport this cute TSA guy I’ve had my eye on (he looks like bald Russ Crowe-yum!!!) for quite some time, heard I was attracted to him and came into our store looking for me. My g-friend tells him that I work every Weds and Thursday evening if he wants to come in and talk to me. He asked my name and said his flight comes in at 8p and he’d try to make it in to talk to me. While this sounds ideal and all, someone else told me that this guy was married so I’m sort of at a loss as to approach this since I don’t typically ask guys out anyways. I figure what the hell, I’ve managed to humiliate and embarrass myself enough lately, why not take two more opportunities?
He didn’t end up making it in so again, I was disappointed…

AND…


The “Crush”, who doesn’t know I liked him and who I’d given up on now knows who I am. Apparently some of my friends approached him at a recent show and he wanted to know what I looked like and my name so he could approach me next time he saw me and at the very least he suggested that approach him at his next show this weekend. Great! So I can be blown off or humiliate myself or be disappointed. I swear after all of this I’m immersing myself in work, house and competing and never coming out. This is why I hate dating!!!

Ball and Chain in the City

Considering all that is going on in my head right now, I’m just completely exhausted from all this guy crap…I think these two songs sum it up the most…

Love is like a Ball and Chain-K

How many nights, how many days did I wait to hear from you?
Have you forgotten all the things we'd said
And how many times must I let the phone ring, just to get through?
Could it be that now this has long gone bad?
Oh, oh - Has it been too long?
Oh, oh - I'm sure the feeling’s gone and
Love, oh Love feels like a ball and chain
What a fool was I to fall in love again
Love, oh Love when will this ever end
I don't think that I can ever fall again
Well how many nights, how many days I wait by the phone just to talk to you?
Could it be that I just wanna hear you say
That all this time you've been all alone
Just waitin’ for love to come to you
When that “I want you” is all I want you to say

In the City-Joe Walsh
Somewhere out on that horizon
Out beyond the neon lights
I know there must be somethin' better
But there's nowhere else in sight
It's survival in the city
When you live from day to day
City streets don't have much pity
When you're down, that's where you'll stay
In the city, oh, oh.
In the city I was born here in the city
With my back against the wall
Nothing grows and life ain't very pretty
No one's there to catch you when you fall
Somewhere out on that horizon
Far away from the neon sky
I know there must be somethin' better
And I can't stay another night
In the city, oh, oh.
In the city

When Did It Get So Complicated?

WARNING!-This is a long one so if you have ADD or don't like to read, turn away now!!!

The weekend sucked ya’ll and I’m exhausted from thinking about it…
The guy “Christian” who I dated for a milli-second..Met him at a Hairball show last Friday and he pissed me off from the get-go by flicking an ice cube at me.. Ya’ll know I don’t put up with that crap!! Hesitatingly we exchanged numbers and he pursued me for a few days until our date on Sunday.

We met for dinner at Crossroads Deli and had a great time chatting it up. After I was able to get past this asshole persona he ended up being a nice guy and I took a huge liking to the fact that he was a “grease monkey” and worked on cars and motorcycles. After we left the restaurant we went for a drink. As we were drinking he proceeds to tell me that I was/am a clean cut, straight-laced, good girl. Which I almost took as an insult because I’ve always considered myself a bit “rough and tumble”. I explained to him my tattoos, bike riding, percussion playing, cowboy liking ways and he was surprised. He kept telling me that I was “hot” and that I probably hang out in my house looking amazing everyday. (???)) I had to reiterate that I am just me; I have zits, I get sick, look tired and wake up with fish hair just like everyone else. I wasn’t even finished with my drink when he announced that he wanted to go home. Home? Seriously?! I took him home and as we sat in the car in his driveway a strange discussion ensued.. He didn’t want to invite me in, nor did he want me to leave, he also didn’t want to go anywhere else. Now yes, sports fans it did occur to me that he wanted to have sex in the back of the car, but I’m not that easy. Damn people, I’m 38 years old! I can’t be having sex in the back of a car in the freezing fricking cold!?!

I kept asking him what he wanted to do and when I would say that I was leaving, he’d get irate and tell me that he didn’t want me to go. Then he smiled at me and said that the inside of the car sure was quiet. (umm, ok) I should have done something then, but I’m a lady. He declares that he’s going inside, so sitting there embarrassed and wondering what the hell just happened, I left.

I’m halfway home and he calls telling me that he needs to “come clean on a few things” and didn’t want me to “take this the wrong way but…” Apparently (all of which I knew by the way..) his intent was to have a one night stand with me and tell me to piss off. However “everything changed” once we started talking in the restaurant and he realized that not only was a I hot, but really smart, funny and cool…He had changed his mind and now he wants to date me, but doesn’t want to have a “serious relationship” because he’s not good with women and that he may be transferring to Phoenix for work soon. Then proceeds to tell me that “I’m very intimidating” and that he’s used to going out with “trailer trash chicks that are hot but dumb”. He asked me what I thought about all of this and I was like “ok, sounds all good to me since my original intent was the same as yours.” We then talked for about 2 hours about our lives and experiences etc. For some reason he had it in his head that I could/can get anyone I want and I reassured him that I get my fair share but I’m a lady and while I probably could get anyone, I choose not too.

We decided to make plans for me to come over to his house on Monday evening after work. I text him most of the day to verify that he did want me to come over but around 3p I got a text indicating that he would be called away out to western Minnesota to pull parts for a car and wouldn’t be back until around 9p. 9p rolls around and he calls to tell me that he had to cancel. I knew right there that was it. Something was wrong. What had changed between yesterday and today???

I didn’t hear anything for about 48 hours before getting irritated and texted him about being in downtown Hopkins with my friends and it would be great if he would come down. Nothing. After work I called him and spoke to him briefly, he apologized for being abrupt via text on Monday night. We joked around briefly before he said that if I was really going to be in Hopkins he’d call me so we could meet up for a drink.

Friday night comes and I’m thinking he’s not going to show up-just a feeling I’d been having all day. I was right he didn’t show nor did he call. By 11p I lost it. I told Beth and Shan I wanted to leave. I could barely breathe I was so mad and hurt. Beth and Shannon weren’t ready to go so as I sat there I got madder and madder. Next thing you know I’m bawling in front of my friends in public which really pissed me off.

We left and immediately went to Beth’s and I freaked out! Crying and asking Beth, Shannon and the wall why this is happening –again. How I’m just plain-out too old for this shit. That I really thought I could handle having that “carrot” dangled in front of me but having it taken away so abruptly and without reason freaks me out. See the one thing you can guarantee about me is that if I’m not given a reason, I will ALWAYS think it was me. I talked too much, I called too often, I gave too much of myself to fast…

To make a longer story short- It wasn’t me after all. DUH!!!

I didn’t see/speak to anyone for about 24 hours before deciding that this is crap.. Just move on. By Sunday I texted him and asked why he stood me up and got no reply-of course! Than my response: “Just as I thought…When your done being afraid and want a real woman, let me know.” He replies immediately with “WOW, what a statement!, howd U know?” My final reply “Wow what? If you can’t handle a real woman, don’t go after one!”

Done!

I Couldn’t Make This Shit Up, Even If I Wanted Too….

Wow, this entry gives my moniker a new meaning...perhaps I'll change it now.

I was walking through the gym at work, toward the women’s locker room when I hear someone behind me “sneeze”, I look and it’s this African American guy covering his mouth and nose…I feel something damp on my back and ass as I walk into the locker room and when I look in the mirror I realize the guy vomited all down my back and legs…No shit! Just some random incident that seems to happen to me on the daily…

I stood there for a second and it was as if my brain short circuited (mild case of OCD kicking in BIG time now!)…I started to scream, gag and cry. This nice woman (feeling bad for me I suppose) figured out what my problem was and offered to help get me out of my soggy clothes….As she’s telling me this I kept thinking once I take off my shirt, the barf is going to end up in my hair and face and I’m really gonna freak. We managed to peel off my clothes with little issue and try to get me into the shower. I thought I could take a shower but the gym ran out of towels so I ended up washing my hair a bit and drying myself off with paper towels instead. I rinsed out my clothes, dried them off best I could with a blow dryer and switched them out with my airport uniform. Once I had a second to calm down and dry my face, I decided to forgo my workout and just leave for the airport…

As I’m leaving, I run into a couple of co-workers who saw that I wasn’t looking right. I told them what happened, and started crying again. Then I left…
.
Once I really got it under control-on the train, I called P and Hensch to tell them what had happened. Hensch laughed and felt bad, wondering if that could actually be considered assault. P became irate and pissed because someone; who wasn’t thinking; made me upset.

By the time I got to the airport I was laughing about it…As usual some random weird thing happened…A plane might as well have fallen from the sky and fell on me as I was crossing the street…Seriously, I couldn’t make this shit up.

PS. I still haven't heard from my date...bummer ~sigh~

A Nice Date that Turned…

I hate dating. It seems I always end up liking these guys that like me but….
We had a lovely date and tried to get him to kiss, make out, something!!!
He wanted to go home…?
We had another date set up which work called him away and I sort of shut down…
This is why I hate dating so much. Why can’t someone just do the simplest thing?-communicate!

And So It Goes-Billy Joel
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Relief at Last

Well, I received the best birthday present a girl could get; I received a renegotiation letter from my mortgage lender about the house, proposing my mortgage payment be modified to what it was when I originally bought the house for a time period of 19mos. How? Back in October I filed paperwork to have my payment renegotiated, sending them letters of hardship, check stubs, debt/income ratio stats etc. I haven’t bugged them at all, until recently about the status. They told my mortgage guy and I about a certified letter they sent and was delivered that day with the results. I was floored, did an hour long “happy dance” and lay on my stairwell with my feet on the wall-grateful that I could/can keep my house for a while longer.

The following day I took the proposal to my mortgage guy for him to look at. I had issue with some of the verbiage and want to have it fixed before I sign anything. Once we had a few things cleared up, we forged ahead with our plan. See the loan was set up with a pre-payment penalty-which means that if I re-fi before the duration of my loan is up I get penalized 3% , which for me is $3,000. In July this will expire and save me $3,000 which I won’t have to roll into the re-fi.
Granted the housing market could really tank but I have read in the paper lately that FHA is coming out with a few things plus the Feds are working on a few things as well. This doesn’t leave my second lender off the hook and I have a plan for them as well, so stay tuned!!!!

I think this has been the first time in 6-7 months I’ve actually slept!! Thank God!!!


P.S.-Thanks to all who wrote about me for my birthday! I gots to say this has been the bestest birthday ever!!!!!!

Your Gift to Me!

Sent an e-mail to one of my good friends yesterday asking her if she wouldn't mind taking the time to write a brief entry about me for my birthday. So that got me to thinking...I think it would be really cool if you read me, to perhaps go into my comments section of this site (Ideas and Tid-bits) and write a paragraph or post a picture about me for my birthday. It can be either bad or good-whatever!!!
Post away!!!

Thanks!!!!

I’ve Been Calm About It….

My car died on me again last Friday on 494 and Robert St….I spent $50. to have it towed to my mechanics house and then brainstormed ideas of what to do about it with Das, P and my dad. Good news is that the timing chain broke and that was basically about it. No damage to the block, pistons nothing…So the timing chain will be replaced, a few minor things fixed on the inside and all done by March 6th or 7th. Begged (at least my idea of begging) my folks for the use of one of their cars until the green machine is fixed and then me working, selling and consolidating to be able to pay for it all.

Prepping for the “worst case scenario” on the house. I have an appt with my mortgage guy and hoping to hear from one of the lenders on payment negotiation and try to get a hold of the other one on the status of the renegotiation I submitted 6 months ago. Either way I want all my debt gone before any of this hits which would be in April/May. In case of “worst case scenario” I have hired someone to manage my finances. I’m gone so damn much I never have time to pay my bills which then everything for months gets behind…

Submitted my taxes and am hoping to get those back by next week and will throw that on a large chunk of my debt.

Have a couple of interviews with people I’m considering to room with me for a couple of months…
Hoping to get back into the clinic at the end of the month for the second part of my leg surgery and finally completing the last in April so I can have my legs back by summer. Wanna really get into training for some light 5k’s or half marathons this year….not sure if I can pull it off until everything’s put to bed.

I know I said I was pretty much over my latest “Crush” but I lied! In seeing him this last weekend etc made me change my mind-again. Finding out that the girl that said was his g-friend- wasn’t, and a few other things that were unfairly told to me….seems to open up the world a bit. Now with the new info given to me recently I have become more intrigued and find that we have more in common than I thought previously…whatever that means….so we’ll see what happens, I AM patient and so mellow people are lulled into a false sense of security-so it’s been said.
Also found out that a guy that works for TSA at the airport has taken a liking to me as well. He looks like a bald Russ Crowe. AND he’s an athlete AND works out 5-6 days a week!!! I likey!!!