In the String of Time…

My boss gave me a copy of the book “Excuse me, Your Life is Waiting”. The action made me want to cry. (I’m sure the reaction is menstrual)
The action is part and parcel to a string of decisions I’ve been making over the past several months. My life and how I really feel that I’m sort of “wasting” it since I’ve recovered. I mean I told myself during the process that I wasn’t going to be doing this anymore and at the time I meant it…Why hasn’t anything changed though?

1- First thing is first, I need to re-fi the house. Yep, gotta put the reins on that fucker and get it into a fixed. If I let it get out of hand again I’m screwed. I have about a year before the agreement I have with my lender expires, so I have to get my shit together. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the rates keep falling and perhaps I can maintain the same rate or lower.

The last time I spoke to my mortgage guy it was 6% and that was 3 months ago.

2- My debt. As Kelly told me the other day..”Everyone has debt..” I’m about $10,000 in it and don’t like. It’s the largest amount of debt I’ve ever been in. It’s all school, medical crap, car shit and the fact that when I was struggling to make payments on the house I pushed bills etc to the backburner… Anyways, I’d like to get some of it combined into my re-fi, maybe 3-4 thousand of it so I can pay off the rest and be done…

3- School… I have a year left on a double major and have been having a hell of a time trying to finish it up. I want a B.A. before I turn 40 and my Masters by the time I’m 45…I hope I can do it.
Some of the drama I’ve been experiencing at the airport got me to thinking more about this and how I want this to be the last time I have/need to work two jobs. I don’t want to be 50 years old and have to work two jobs just to pay my mortgage. I see myself on that path and would really like to take that hard right to avoidance and a better way of life.

4- Car… I have my eye on hopefully getting a newer car next year. I would really like a Honda Small Hybrid Sports Concept vehicle. It’s supposedly supposed to cost less than $20,000 and is said to be extremely efficient considering these next several years we are all needing to be less dependant upon gas. It’s also very “sexy” looking!!! Hee!

I’ve Been Calm About It….

My car died on me again last Friday on 494 and Robert St….I spent $50. to have it towed to my mechanics house and then brainstormed ideas of what to do about it with Das, P and my dad. Good news is that the timing chain broke and that was basically about it. No damage to the block, pistons nothing…So the timing chain will be replaced, a few minor things fixed on the inside and all done by March 6th or 7th. Begged (at least my idea of begging) my folks for the use of one of their cars until the green machine is fixed and then me working, selling and consolidating to be able to pay for it all.

Prepping for the “worst case scenario” on the house. I have an appt with my mortgage guy and hoping to hear from one of the lenders on payment negotiation and try to get a hold of the other one on the status of the renegotiation I submitted 6 months ago. Either way I want all my debt gone before any of this hits which would be in April/May. In case of “worst case scenario” I have hired someone to manage my finances. I’m gone so damn much I never have time to pay my bills which then everything for months gets behind…

Submitted my taxes and am hoping to get those back by next week and will throw that on a large chunk of my debt.

Have a couple of interviews with people I’m considering to room with me for a couple of months…
Hoping to get back into the clinic at the end of the month for the second part of my leg surgery and finally completing the last in April so I can have my legs back by summer. Wanna really get into training for some light 5k’s or half marathons this year….not sure if I can pull it off until everything’s put to bed.

I know I said I was pretty much over my latest “Crush” but I lied! In seeing him this last weekend etc made me change my mind-again. Finding out that the girl that said was his g-friend- wasn’t, and a few other things that were unfairly told to me….seems to open up the world a bit. Now with the new info given to me recently I have become more intrigued and find that we have more in common than I thought previously…whatever that means….so we’ll see what happens, I AM patient and so mellow people are lulled into a false sense of security-so it’s been said.
Also found out that a guy that works for TSA at the airport has taken a liking to me as well. He looks like a bald Russ Crowe. AND he’s an athlete AND works out 5-6 days a week!!! I likey!!!

Tid-bits

Life

Things are getting better and the light is now visible at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to all of my friends for “being there” and the many offers of assistance-it means more to me than I can express. Thanks to Hensch for the offer upon offer and patience you’ve shown me-I owe you a good leg sister! Thanks to Steve my jack of all trades! Eternal gratefulness to my parents who are and have been helping me to make ends meet and have been my sounding board through all of this! Finally to P-you are the greatness and goodness of what all human beings should strive to become.
I can’t give any details but it seems things are falling into place now and that my finances will hopefully ease up in the next month or so. I will try to re-fi the house again next month, the car will be done and fixed by week’s end and I have my new legs that I’m “slowly” breaking in.

Post Surgery Workouts

I’ve been finding now that I’m working out again that I am better, stronger and faster. I managed to stay at a pounding heart rate of 180 for 45 mins at a 3% incline…all while listening to Van Halen, Whitesnake, Cheap Trick, 38 Special and the Outfield…not to bad I don’t think… I’m still trying to get back to “lifting” the weight I had before but am 20 under it for the time being.
I’m planning to contact Dr Kass in the next few days about a follow up, the insurance to proceed with phases 2 and 3, and the numbness I’m experiencing below the insertion site (my shin) on my left leg. Other than, I’m kicking it in on the working out and my legs have lost 1” on each. I’m thinking it’s the swelling I had going on for such a long time finally subsiding….

Work

Just something inside me lately has just wanted to shut down for a bit and just take a break-reset so to speak. To not have to worry about the time, money, my job(s) and just sit at home for a couple of days and read those 4 books on my nightstand, go see some great music and meet people…perhaps I just need a vacation.
I’m still not thrilled with working at the Electronics Company. They have more bullshit meetings that I have to partake in…it’s crap all the way around. I haven’t figured out though if it’s the company itself or the Dept. I’ve always hated HR etc but other than the Diversity Dept; I have no clue how anything in the other two depts. benefit our stores. I’m thinking of transferring into the Music or Marketing dept after December. I like the people in the depts., I hate the depts. It just feels as if I have no purpose and that I’m just sitting here spinning my wheels…

I find that again, I’m getting myself into trouble at the airport. We are in the middle of a merger and the new company is a bunch of assholes. We’re having to re-apply for our jobs, retake our drug tests, background checks etc, reestablish pay rate, are being put on a new pay schedule and have to take 2 classes on basic HR crap. Unfortunately for me this means I need to take 2 half days off to take these classes. They are unwilling to budge to assist me in working out a schedule. I was told to “do it or be terminated”. I also made the mistake of miscounting and adding an additional $100. to my deposit. I was able to correct the issue throughout the day by “over selling” to make up for the $100. and came out $33.85 over. I was told that if I do this after the merger, I’d be fired. (sigh), just like I was to be fired if I didn't wear a belt..


Dating

Shannon and I went out to see one of our favorite bands and have drinks last week. She and I are dealing with something similar and I decided to take her out since she was feeling a bit down. Many shots of Jameson, tears and several beers later I decided to give up on “Mr. Online” and relinquish any attachment I have to any guy that is married.
So that means:
“Mr. semi famous Online”- haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks, hurt my feelings and lied about being married…over it!
Mgr at Electronics Company (Mr Berkley Professor)- MAJOR wuss! Too much sunshine for me and he’s married…over it.
Guy I met 3 weeks ago at Hairball show (Mr. “Are you Slow?”)- He’s very smart, very cool and has already saved my ass with the car. Unfortunately I hate his lifestyle. He parties too much, isn’t structured, ambitious, creative, and doesn’t take care of himself being that he’s in his forties. He seems too easy to manipulate and I certainly don’t want someone like that. So we decided to remain friends. He’s a friend that I can go to a sports bar, drink beers and watch a football game with..can’t beat that!

However, in the course of the past year I have slowly developed a slight “crush” on one of the members of a local band the girls and I see. He seems funny, a bit introverted but is “the consummate entertainer”, smart, ambitious, creative, he’s my age and not MARRIED! He’s not in great shape, extremely hot or anything, just a simple guy that probably drinks straight out of the milk carton just like any other single guy.
I’m trying to play this one logically and practically, since I didn’t with “Mr. Online” and it got me nowhere. There’s a lot of competition that’s also vying for his attention so I’m thinking my odds are zip…but never hurts to try…guaranteed I’m smarter than 90% of them anyway..
When Shannon and I were out he approached us. He focused his energy on speaking to Shannon and glanced at me twice. ?? This leads me to believe that he is either disinterested, or intimidated. Neither one I can figure out… If disinterested, why talk to us at all? If intimidated; why ?? I’m not scary; I’m just a nice girl that won’t put up with your shit …

I Hate This Life-Can I Have Yours Part D-oh!

I’m recovering more and more each day from my leg surgery and due to go in tomorrow to have the other one worked on. However I’d noticed in the last couple of days that my car was not “kicking in” when I shifted it into gear and I was having issues keeping it at 60 mph going home. I was hoping to keep it going until Friday, since I have Friday evening off. It became increasingly worse last night coming home from the airport to the point where my dad convinced me not to wait and just bring it in.
To make a long story short, I was on my way to meet P at the body shop and the car just stopped moving. The engine was running the car just wouldn’t move. So I called the body shop to tell them that I was bringing it in, called the towing company and then called P to come get me. As we waited in the car for the towing company, I broke out in tears. See, if you’ve been keeping up you already know that I’m $7,000 in debt and my mortgage jumped up and I am hanging on by a thread to make sure I don’t default AND I just had minor leg surgery 2 days ago. Now this. I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me that my car is now toast. If it were February and I had my tax check in hand, I’d be golden, but that’s 3 months away and I have no car and am a hair from losing my house. In my hysteria I screamed that I wish I had died when I had cancer 2 years ago. It would be a hell of a lot better than this crap. MISTAKE! P went nuts and started screaming at me about how dumb I was for saying that, that I am his family, he cares about me and so do other people, that by wishing that I was being quite stoopid and selfish. He held my hand and promised that he, I and with perhaps some help, will work it out. I actually believed it for a second. I just can’t figure out how.

Now, if you keep up with me or have looked in my archives, I’m usually in some kind of debt. That’s part of my life I guess. It’s not debt from shopping sprees or lack of money mgmt but usually car issues or overpaying on my debt that makes me go into debt. I took on a majority of P’s debt at one point and it never ended after that. Then it was my car that was my debt for awhile, then school, then adjusting my finances from a $600/mo apartment payment to a $1075./mo house payment to $6,000 in medical bills, heating costs from last winter and car issues. I’d love to take the bus but the bus stop is 5 miles away on the other side of town and I have the job at the airport….. The last bus that comes into my town is at 7p, my job at the airport ends at 9p.


Anyway, I’m caught in a situation where I need to decide between my house or a car, I can’t afford to do both. So there it is…black and white.


A job as a stripper is looking pretty good right now I gotta tell ya.


Self pity aside, my friend Stacey is currently facing breast cancer….show her some love and sign her guest book.. Love ya and hang in there Stace!