The Storyteller

I was one of those kids who learned to talk and write early. I found myself always telling these long-winded stories about my experiences, adventures, and history of my family to anyone who would lend an ear. I would sit and practice my signature for hours, and write out the alphabet on lined paper until my fingers were hurt and cramped. These stories I soon started writing down and thus-- a diarist I became. With this, I also came to realize that with two younger brothers getting into things and a parent always on the “watch”, there was never going to be any respect for personal privacy.

I think every teenage girl has a private place to keep her secrets, her innermost thoughts, love letters to a current crush, and private mentionings of coming into adolescence. Mine was a black leather accounting ledger purchased at the local Wal-Mart that I kept hidden in the overhead-ledge of my closet. I held nothing back when I wrote in my journal. Ever-- I mean nothing. It was awesome! It was much cheaper than a shrink and much more discrete than my “blabber-mouth” best friend. I quickly learned that by writing out my innermost feelings, I could get them out, yet keep them all to myself. No one would know. I wouldn’t have to subject myself to the taunts of other kids who “didn’t understand me,” worry about walking through the halls, and hearing whispers about whom I liked at the moment, and certainly wouldn’t have to continually reiterate to my best friend that she couldn’t tell anyone. I simply never desired that kind of attention.

I accidentally left my diary on my bed one day, parents being the way they are about their kids discovered there were quite a few entries about how I “…cried all day because I found out from LJ that John asked some other girl to the dance. I thought he liked me especially after we made out at the roller rink on Saturday. Guess I’m not pretty enough…” and how “…I made out with Corey in the back of LJ’s dad’s boat...” was a bit too detailed for my folks… oops! After that, I didn’t keep a journal for about 10 years and I'd missed it. Until about 1990, when I had a bad breakup and was physically unable to communicate to anyone how I felt about it. Only then did I turn back to that old friend: that black leather accounting ledger to write it all down in excruciating detail.

Several years and diaries later, one of my girlfriends whom I hadn’t spoken to in a while e-mailed me indicating that I could “keep in touch” without having to make a single phone call, write a single letter, or speak a single word. She called it an “Online Journal.” I was astonished that she could be audacious enough and post her inner most private thoughts on the web for the whole world to see. I could sit in the privacy of my own home and read about all the things she had done in the past week. The things she wrote about were the same subjects we would sit and have three-hour conversations discussing: her marriage, updates about her kids, what was going on at work, things rolling around in her head. She suggested that since I also kept a diary, perhaps I should post online as well, and I could use it as a vehicle to update my friends and family about my life-- be a personal storyteller. I wondered if putting my thoughts on line would make me conceited, narcissistic, or presumptuous? I didn’t think that way about my girlfriend or her writing. Then I wondered about who would care. I do have family and several friends who live in other states who want to know what’s going on with me, and maybe somewhere in the mix I could get some feedback, support, or shared stories from others about similar experiences. You see, I had a choice to make; I could keep completely silent and refrain from keeping any sort of journal at all, or see what happened if I let others know what my thoughts and opinions were. Perhaps I’d get some alternative perspectives, become a better writer and a better person for it.

I have found that inspiration comes more often now, my thoughts and ideas are validated, and I am a better person and writer now. I have reconnected with old colleagues, high school friends, and members of my extended family whom I never knew existed. Some of my entries turn out to be entertaining, some inspirational, but all are fulfilling to me, and I thank my readers profusely everyday for allowing me to indulge myself. I like that I have the ability (whether writing on paper or online) that I cannot just recall any given experience, but the ability to re-live them as well. I have the opportunity to share the stories of my family’s history and give a bit of myself as well. I often feel as if life is running away from me at an alarming rate, and I want to remember that amid the life I have experienced, it is the actual living I want to chronicle. I seem to be working so much these last few years and it’s the “life” portion that seems to escape me. There were so many moments that deserved to be captured, but never were. We lose moments, and they deserve to be captured because once they’re gone, they’re gone.

If find that writing helps me define the shadowy elusive things in the background that sometimes disturb me, gives me answers that I didn’t have before, and gives me peace of mind that perhaps my ideas and perspectives aren’t so strange after all.

Note to K's "Crush" ......from Hensch

Dear K's "Crush",

You know, for a man that is actually able to walk upright, speak in full sentences and sign your name without the use of a crayon, you sure are stoopid.

You have been warned on numerous occasions to observe, lust after, and claim my good friend K. To date, I have not heard that you have listened to a word I've said.

You have 45 minutes to call all of your friends and say goodbye. I will be arriving shortly to take you for your "How to recognize a girl with brains" class. You will not be allowed contact with the outside world until you have completed the course.

K's bestest friend,
Hensch

I Hate This Life-Can I Have Yours?

Updates upon updates!!!

The House

I was on my lenders website yesterday when lo and behold there was a notice indicating that “if you are having difficulties paying your monthly payment due to you’re loan with us adjusting, please call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx to re-negotiate your payment.” Now, you KNOW I was on that phone talking to them. They determined that I do qualify and all I needed to do was send them 2 pay stubs and a letter indicating why I needed help (even though I thought that the call and my credit would be a good indicator). In the next couple of weeks I will be in talks with U.S. Bank about a consolidation loan so I can keep my debt in one chunk and not have to constantly rotate payments around since my mortgage has gone up. That ought to help things a bit. My frig had also gone out around the same time Laura’s did but I couldn’t afford to fix it at the time. I got onto Home Star plus through my energy company and now can have them come fix it, along with the dishwasher that, for whatever reason won’t drain! So I’ve been eating out of a box for a month and it’s taken its toll on my pocketbook as well. Enough to have to beg a few friends and family for money.

Singlehood- The on going trauma to find Mr. "Close to perfect"...

Well for what I thought was a break up with Mr. Online, has taken a weird turn. He called me at work (which has never happened) and the lame thing is every time he calls me it’s only for 10 mins and I do all the talking….WTF?!! So now I hardly ever get an e-mail and once a week or so a 10 min lame ass call that sounds like he’s calling me between appointments…Please don’t bother, seriously!!!

Rachael, Beth and I were at a Hairball show and this random guy comes up and starts talking to us. Just as he starts talking to me the band starts up so all I see is his mouth moving. I lean over and I hear "What are you?-slow?" This instantly prompted me to flip him the bird and tell him to fuck off. He spent the good part of 15-20 mins apologizing profusely in an attempt to correct the situation. I finally relented and within 10 mins he says “Wow, you’re very cool and a very smart girl, more so than the other girls in this bar.” I also informed him that I hadn’t been drinking and that when you do you lose I.Q. points per drink. Hence, I’m the smartest person in the room! He asked for my number, called me on my business trip and asked me out over voicemail-not preferred by the way!!! We were to have met again at the Hairball Costume party but he wasn’t feeling well and cancelled.-Whatever!

Update 11/5- Just wanted to put it out there that RSB is very -ehm, nice AND he likes Vampyres!- if he only knew!! HA!

Jilly, my boss at the airport decided to take me out for a drink at Bennigan’s for helping her through another successful inventory session at our store. Some random guy who happens to also work at the electronics’ company, starts talking to me and then proceeds to make comment about “how big” my legs were. Then has the nerve to ask to get up so he can “check me out”..??? Once he was put into check by Jilly and I he goes back to his table of friends. He comes back over 30 mins later, fully loaded and proceeds to ask if he and I are going to get married, because I’m so cool and all. He asks me for my phone number-“umm, no”, my position at the electronics’ company- “no”, and if he can call me at work-“did I mention I work for the Director of HR?, no!” Apparently after I left he asked Jilly if she liked sex and would having some wit him, she rolled her eyes and left.

Update 11/5- This retard walks past the gym everyday to see if I’m working out.

Oct 22-23 I went on my first business trip with my department to Memphis for Diversity or “sensitivity” training. We stayed at the Westin-awesome tub, shower and a bed so soft I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud-but I digress. We visited the murder site of Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights Museum. Part of this training is that we get into groups and talk, really immerse ourselves into the topic. I’m not real comfortable with that type of discussion and had completely over dramatized it in my head and that we were going to end up beating drums in the middle of some forest getting in touch with out hidden emotions. It wasn’t as intense and the experience I found extremely profound. I cried a bit but mostly I fell for my Diversity manager. Yep. No shit and he’s married. I found that in his concern to keep me “protected” emotionally during this that I took/ am taking it as more than it is/was. He reminds me of one of those older, hippy, liberal, Berkeley professors, with the long curly hair, cardigan sweater (ala Mr. Rogers) full beard and mustache and a bit overweight. It doesn’t matter because in our 2 days I found that not only is he kind, but fucking brilliant. He gave me insight to shit I haven’t thought about and a new perspective on how to see most people instead of automatically thinking they are dumb. He asked me provocative questions and I found that he’s also a talented musician-go figure?!

Now that we are back in the office, it just seems awkward. Granted he has no clue that I feel this way and I’m slowly trying to get past it. I find myself seeking him out just to say hi-which is so stooped and beyond me! The man could care less since he has told me time and time again that he is married and seems to truly care for his wife.

Working out

Well have lost a lot of the bulk I put on after my "not so brilliant" 300 program. I’m just back to basics at this point. I’ve been lifting for an hour M-Th or M-F at the electronic company’s gym, on the weekends I run 1-3 miles for about an hour and am back to eating the basic stuff-veggies, chicken, fish and a bit of fruit. I haven’t lost any weight yet, but my legs and hips are toning up which is what I want. I’m due to meet with my trainer again next week for a run down and to change up my work outs again, since my body seems to adapt fairly quickly to whatever he comes up with. I figure in 3 months of this type of dedication I should be Olympic shape…

I have decided after about 2 weeks of marathon training to discontinue.

Reason 1- Matt confessed to falling for me which is why he volunteered to train me…..

I think I’ll stick to just having him walk me out of the airport, if that.

Reason 2- Life, as usual is getting in the way of my plans and

Reason 3- not enough time to train for the Rock n’ Roll marathon.

Road trip to Indiana! October 5th-7th

October 6

Up at the crack of God’s ass (that’s 1 am K standard time) and met Em and Shannon at The Beth’s house. Drove down to Iowa to pick up T, Connie and Tonia then drove out to Southbend, Indiana for the Melodicrock.com 10^th anniversary show featuring Scrap Metal.

We arrived in Southbend around 3:30p and thought we all might get a bit of sleep prior to the show…NOT! I grabbed 30mins before getting ready and heading down to the theater around 6p, the show starting at 9:30p. The idea was that there were bands playing mostly all day and once we decided to head inside, grab a well needed beer and find our seats we enjoyed the musical stylings of Jeff Scott Soto-who was awesome! If you don’t know who he is, check him out here!!!!

On next, our favorite-Scrap Metal with special guests: Jack Blades, Joe Lynn Turner, Jim Peterik, and Jimi Jameson. Then the usual suspects: Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, Eric Martin, Kelly Keagy, and Mark Slaughter.

Each played their set up songs and all I kept saying to Shannon was “Wholly shit” because I used to be in love with Joe Lynn Turner when he did his stint in Rainbow. “Stone Cold” was my favorite songs along with “Can’t Happen Here”. Unfortunately time has taken a bit of a toll on Mr. Turner. Even though I do still worship him, he has become “The Creepy Old Guy”. He was fried from too much tanning and you could still see the white portion of where the tanning goggles sat over his eyes, he wore sparkly blue eye shadow, some weird leather, mesh, fingerless glove things on his hands and wrists, skinny jeans that didn’t hide his gut and kept flipping his still long hair. His stylist or his girlfriend needs to be fired. Regardless they were awesome and we were sad to see it all end in 3 hours.

Sometime during the show Tonia’s cell phone slipped out of her purse and into an air duct in the floor. Her life in that phone, along with our directions home, we contacted security and building management to see if they could get it out. We hear this “Security Jarhead” talking to his people about getting us out of the building and when he came up to personally tell us to get out; one of the ushers informed him of the problem. Like the ass he is, he laughed when told of our plight. I instantly got pissed and said something. It’s not like Tonia wanted this to happen and we have better things to do than to sit around waiting to see if the cell phone can or can’t be retrieved. Jarhead!!

Once that blew over they didn’t know where to put us so they put us down in the meet and greet in the bistro in the basement. So here we are, the seven of us sitting down in a lounge with members of Scrap Metal and Jeff Scott Soto feeling…ummm, a bit out of place. We were there for about an hour or so before building management had given Tonia’s cell phone back. We stayed for a few minutes more before heading out to Denny’s for something to eat; it was 2 or 3am by this time.

We arrived at Denny’s (the worst service ever!) and sure enough Jim Peterik walks in –alone. He walks by our table and our friend Steve starts up a conversation. By this time I was not caring about much except to get some z’s. Once we paid our bill we headed back to our rooms and slept for, umm, 3 hours before heading out on the open road. Somewhere in Iowa we stopped at a winery, sampled some wine and stocked up on a few bottles before again heading out.

On a side note- Tonia’s place is heaven on earth. It’s as if someone had chosen a remote spot of land and dropped a house on it. There is literally nothing for miles and miles. I couldn’t believe how far I see in the dark and how quiet it was. It was beautiful, just perfect for someone like me.

By the time we were in the Twin Cities, said our goodbyes and went our separate ways it was 10p and I got home around 11p myself.

Another great and gratifying trip!

More pictures from the show below!

Don’t Let it End…

The open road…road trips…. I love them…It settles my soul in ways I can’t explain. When it includes music of any kind, it’s a definite boon! The ladies and I have been trying to make it a tradition to see the Nelson Brothers in Green Bay every year. They play 3 shows and I meet up with several friends (old and new) for a full 3 days of music, bonding, alcohol and many a good conversation.

I’d had this planned for several months, however I hadn’t plan to switch jobs, and I can’t say I planned it very well either. I received only a half a check from the electronics company and I do have a mortgage to pay, so the quest began with trying to pay the front portion of my mortgage and see if I had any money left over. If so, that would enable me go on the trip. I lucked out and was able to cash out the measly amount of 401K I accrued at the bank without taking much of a tax hit. Green Bay here I come!!!!

Saturday afternoon-Shannon, Kim and I made the decision to meet at Hertz to pick up our rental for the week. After much finagling we ended up with a grey KIA Amanti-which I dubbed Monti. Apparently I didn’t get “the memo” to pack and bring my stuff so we decided to make the drive back to my house so I could finish packing and we could all get ready. We had purchased tickets to see both the 4p and the 7p “Ricky Nelson Remembered” shows at Mystic Lake Casino. This is the first time I’ve seen them play in my home state and it had been since March since I’d seen them last, so I was excited!


Saturday Evening-We got there a bit early and found our seats for the first show. It wasn’t what I expected. It was set up with some “Behind the Music” clips and in between the guys would play their dad’s music and talk about him a bit. It was funny, a bit sad and definitely entertaining. There was a point in the show that the guys introduced the Co-pilot of the plane that Ricki was on when it went down. This man was 1 of 2 survivors of the crash. I was in tears. How bittersweet that the guy lives out this way and they get to meet him after all this time. It was mostly a crowd of oldsters so not a lot of clapping, and chair dancing, but they did give the guys a well deserved standing ovation for putting such a great show. After the 4p show all we met up and headed out to get some grub. This also included Kim’s camera being stolen inside the grill (bummer), a bit of toilet surfing and the traditional loo pix. (Don‘t ask, we just think it’s funny!)

The 7p show was a right on, full of energy, musical freight train. They received another ovation and afterward did the usual meet and greet of people, and signed autographs…After some brief conversation with the guys, Brian Burwell (I’m Batman!) and a few others we headed into nearby Shakopee for a late night dinner before heading out ontothe open road.

It’s a 5-6 hour drive to Green Bay and I navigated until we were well into Wisconsin before I tried to settle myself into the 4x2 space in the back seat. My MP3 player got a lot of use on the way out, since I was too tired to converse with anyone and wanted nothing but to try and grab some Z’s. After much tossing, adjusting and one hell’va backache later we arrived at the hotel about 5am. Sleepily, we mosied up stairs to our room, waking up poor, tired Barb to let us in when our key card didn’t work. Our room was medium sized, with 2 queen sized sleep number beds, and weirdly placed vanity and bathroom; certainly not enough room for 4 people and not enough mirrors; nevertheless our first order of business was to rest our weary eyes and heads.


Sunday- Once fully rested, showered and dressed, we headed to lunch then back to our rooms to get ready for the show. The point of staying in the hotel next to the casino was that we could all get ready at our leisure and “reserve” seating. The show is in a little “tavern” portion of the casino. There is the stage, in front of it the bar, then bar seating with built in poker machines, the aisle and then curved booths that typically seat 4-6 people. The goal is to get as many people in the bar seats and also grab a booth behind. If we stay at the adjoining hotel, each of us can get ready and go down whenever, instead of all of us waiting and going as a group, like we did last year. The casino gets a bit pissy over the fact that none of use the poker machines and only drink for those hours before the show. I politely explain a simple thing called “revenue”. See, the highest amount you can play poker at is $1. The average drink costs about $3-$4.00. They make more money on us drinking than if we were to play poker. Very rarely does a person sit up there for several hours playing poker AND drinking. So they actually make more money off of US…Go figure.

We started to ease down to the casino around 4p and the show started at 7:30p. The guys were in great moods, they played their energetic set and we all had our usual great time. Afterward, they did a meet/greet of people, signed autographs and pictures. We staggered out into the night, for our usual bout of laughs, stories and food. We came back and a few of us night owls decided to go for a good hot soak in the hotel’s hot tub and take many a brisk swim well into the wee hours of the morning.

Monday-The day went pretty much the same except after the show Shannon and I were standing in line to meet the guys and get our picture taken when a strange lady came up to us spewing a full out verbal assault on us.She informed us that we had to get ahead of her and stop standing around and move forward. Several attempts on mine and Shannon’s parts to get her to calm down proved fruitless and actually made things worse. It got to the point that I just walked away. Shannon took a bit more before giving up and walking away as well.

We had our moment with the guys and left to grab some grub. Other than, the evening went pretty smooth including the surprise party we threw for Shannon. Kelly dropped off the cake and few other birthday items at Perkins and we decided to eat and embarrass the birthday girl there. It wasn’t until we came back from dinner that I realized that I left my debit card at the bar and forgot to pay my tab. I headed back to pay my tab and got brush off from the bartender. When I suggested that it might be a good idea I pay them and get my card back I received it with a slip of paper attached to it indicating that it was left behind and to “charge to Nelson Bros”. I was mortified! I immediately paid my tab and went back to my room were I rounded up the ladies for head-soaking in the hot tub and brisk swims until about 2 am.


Tuesday-We lazed around reading the paper, talking about the shows and people we’d seen over breakfast. Shannon and I made a trip to the store and to round up some party supplies and a cake for Connie’s birthday. We came back, took our time getting ready and met the usual suspects in the casino to see “our boys” put on their last show. We had our casino chairs, booth and were enjoying the show when I noticed that freaky lady from the night before, rudely informed an oldster that he couldn’t stand by her because he was “blocking” her view. He didn’t argue and begrudgingly started to walk away. I got pissed and told him that he could sit in our booth with us and enjoy the show if he wanted. He sat down, ordered himself a drink, enjoyed the show and our company to boot! This same freaky lady kept jumping in front of us holding up Nelson and Rick Nelson CD’s during every other song and wouldn’t sit down until one of the guys acknowledged her. Crazy! It was later in the meet and greet line that she threw a bunch of CD’s at the guys and asked them to sign them…I’m not exactly sure what happened but it was enough for them to cancel their usual picture taking session and call security. Stoopid freaky lady…

Disappointed and irate (not at the guys; at the freak!) we decided to go to dinner. We went to our rooms and got into our jammies while I went to grab the cake. The plan was that the girls were to get Connie in the car and be on the way before I came out with her cake. Go to Plan B; apparently Connie decided to call a friend and sat in the lobby on her cell, leaving me stuck in the hallway with her cake; a cake I thought was red frosted cupcakes setup to look like berries but was really supposed to be a pepper, hence the word “OLE!” written in bright red frosting on the side. Ah ha?!
Here I am in the hallway, hiding with a “pepper cake” and here comes Matthew Nelson on his cell phone…I have NO where to go but down the hall toward the lobby. Since he and his brother had issues with the Freaky lady minutes earlier I didn’t want him to think I was some weirdo too. I decided to pass him and exit the hallway…I reluctantly waved to him and quickly moved toward the end of the hallway only to be turned back by Shannon indicating that Connie was just around the corner- still on her cell. I turned around to see Matthew looking at us as if we were crazies and I turned around trying to find a place to hide from Connie and Matthew. I found a small alcove near the entrance to a restaurant. I sat there for what seemed like eternity before I got the clearance to move out into the lobby. I packed the cake into the car and headed to meet the ladies at Denny’s in downtown Green Bay.

I hid the cake with the hostess and had her bring it out later where we ate red frosted cupcakes, laughed our heads off until we practically burst. Afterward, we decided to head back to the hotel and soak our heads in the hot tub one final time before we headed out the next day. We all agreed that we should all meet in the casino for brunch to say our last goodbyes to each other before we headed back to reality.

Wednesday-By 9am; sad, exhausted and disappointed that in the next couple of hours we’d all have to go home and back to our lives. We took one last picture, had breakfast and headed to our said rooms to pack- much to our disappointment that we couldn't delay our return to reality by at least another 24 hours or perhaps by time-machine... We all met at the side lobby door of the hotel said our teary goodbyes and headed out our separate ways with the agreement to be online by 9p that same evening.

Writing any of this down can’t even begin to give justice to the time we had. What I can say is that I have the most fantastical group of friends, had many a great conversation, lots o’ laughs shed many o' tear and that I hold new sense of love, respect and appreciation for the guys. Thanks for the time !!