I’ve Been Calm About It….

My car died on me again last Friday on 494 and Robert St….I spent $50. to have it towed to my mechanics house and then brainstormed ideas of what to do about it with Das, P and my dad. Good news is that the timing chain broke and that was basically about it. No damage to the block, pistons nothing…So the timing chain will be replaced, a few minor things fixed on the inside and all done by March 6th or 7th. Begged (at least my idea of begging) my folks for the use of one of their cars until the green machine is fixed and then me working, selling and consolidating to be able to pay for it all.

Prepping for the “worst case scenario” on the house. I have an appt with my mortgage guy and hoping to hear from one of the lenders on payment negotiation and try to get a hold of the other one on the status of the renegotiation I submitted 6 months ago. Either way I want all my debt gone before any of this hits which would be in April/May. In case of “worst case scenario” I have hired someone to manage my finances. I’m gone so damn much I never have time to pay my bills which then everything for months gets behind…

Submitted my taxes and am hoping to get those back by next week and will throw that on a large chunk of my debt.

Have a couple of interviews with people I’m considering to room with me for a couple of months…
Hoping to get back into the clinic at the end of the month for the second part of my leg surgery and finally completing the last in April so I can have my legs back by summer. Wanna really get into training for some light 5k’s or half marathons this year….not sure if I can pull it off until everything’s put to bed.

I know I said I was pretty much over my latest “Crush” but I lied! In seeing him this last weekend etc made me change my mind-again. Finding out that the girl that said was his g-friend- wasn’t, and a few other things that were unfairly told to me….seems to open up the world a bit. Now with the new info given to me recently I have become more intrigued and find that we have more in common than I thought previously…whatever that means….so we’ll see what happens, I AM patient and so mellow people are lulled into a false sense of security-so it’s been said.
Also found out that a guy that works for TSA at the airport has taken a liking to me as well. He looks like a bald Russ Crowe. AND he’s an athlete AND works out 5-6 days a week!!! I likey!!!

The Holidays Suck!

I say this every year...I hate the holidays...
I feel like such a buzz kill when I say this to people, the looks of disappointment I get in return...
Most of my readers know that I don't like people much, especially people who don't think past themselves and aren't aware...You know who am talking about..that person, you met them, that person who is at your local "mom and pop" bar, drunk, dancing and are so sloppy drunk they bump into you and bump your drink into your lap...their friends are too self absorbed to take them home and they don't care where they are as long as they have a place to vomit...The woman who bumps into you at the grocery store and doesn't say excuse me or better yet just ignores the fact that your trying to look an item that her fat ass is in front of...yep those people..
I can't stand malls, grocery stores or any place where there is a crowd....If I'm there your ass I'm there for a damn good reason and had to "prep" myself prior too...
I digress, so with these things in mind, you must know I hate shopping....I used to go hog wild on the Christmas shopping until I bought my house....I used to decorate until P and I separated and he moved out...
This year my family with all the difficulties we've had, decided to bring it down a couple of notches and make it about the kids...my 2 nieces that is..
I bought gifts for them and that's it...My brothers and I decided to not buy each other gifts and our folks declared that they didn't need any thing so...
Made my life easier I tell ya!
Now I usually send out Christmas cards but after I addressed them etc I realized that I really can't afford the stamps that it would take to send them out...so nix that idea. I'm not a talking about 20 stamps more like 100...you get the math I'm sure!

On Christmas Eve
-Worked from home until around 3p
-Went over to folk's house and wrapped gifts
-Ate traditional lasagna dinner with whole family
-Opened gifts ( 2 new house phones, pj's, socks, Old Navy gift card, and bath set)
-Went home about 10p

Christmas Day
-Worked at airport until 12:30p (got out at 1p:was preoccupied talking to a gentleman from Alabama)
-Went to folk's house and changed into pj's
- Had traditional Christmas dinner (Boston Market's chicken dinner with all the fixings) with Ryan, June and my Mum...
- Watched movies and relaxed with Ryan, Mum and June
- 8p Ryan and I go see National Treasure-Book of Secrets in our pj's
- Go home about 12a

Tid-bits

Life

Things are getting better and the light is now visible at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to all of my friends for “being there” and the many offers of assistance-it means more to me than I can express. Thanks to Hensch for the offer upon offer and patience you’ve shown me-I owe you a good leg sister! Thanks to Steve my jack of all trades! Eternal gratefulness to my parents who are and have been helping me to make ends meet and have been my sounding board through all of this! Finally to P-you are the greatness and goodness of what all human beings should strive to become.
I can’t give any details but it seems things are falling into place now and that my finances will hopefully ease up in the next month or so. I will try to re-fi the house again next month, the car will be done and fixed by week’s end and I have my new legs that I’m “slowly” breaking in.

Post Surgery Workouts

I’ve been finding now that I’m working out again that I am better, stronger and faster. I managed to stay at a pounding heart rate of 180 for 45 mins at a 3% incline…all while listening to Van Halen, Whitesnake, Cheap Trick, 38 Special and the Outfield…not to bad I don’t think… I’m still trying to get back to “lifting” the weight I had before but am 20 under it for the time being.
I’m planning to contact Dr Kass in the next few days about a follow up, the insurance to proceed with phases 2 and 3, and the numbness I’m experiencing below the insertion site (my shin) on my left leg. Other than, I’m kicking it in on the working out and my legs have lost 1” on each. I’m thinking it’s the swelling I had going on for such a long time finally subsiding….

Work

Just something inside me lately has just wanted to shut down for a bit and just take a break-reset so to speak. To not have to worry about the time, money, my job(s) and just sit at home for a couple of days and read those 4 books on my nightstand, go see some great music and meet people…perhaps I just need a vacation.
I’m still not thrilled with working at the Electronics Company. They have more bullshit meetings that I have to partake in…it’s crap all the way around. I haven’t figured out though if it’s the company itself or the Dept. I’ve always hated HR etc but other than the Diversity Dept; I have no clue how anything in the other two depts. benefit our stores. I’m thinking of transferring into the Music or Marketing dept after December. I like the people in the depts., I hate the depts. It just feels as if I have no purpose and that I’m just sitting here spinning my wheels…

I find that again, I’m getting myself into trouble at the airport. We are in the middle of a merger and the new company is a bunch of assholes. We’re having to re-apply for our jobs, retake our drug tests, background checks etc, reestablish pay rate, are being put on a new pay schedule and have to take 2 classes on basic HR crap. Unfortunately for me this means I need to take 2 half days off to take these classes. They are unwilling to budge to assist me in working out a schedule. I was told to “do it or be terminated”. I also made the mistake of miscounting and adding an additional $100. to my deposit. I was able to correct the issue throughout the day by “over selling” to make up for the $100. and came out $33.85 over. I was told that if I do this after the merger, I’d be fired. (sigh), just like I was to be fired if I didn't wear a belt..


Dating

Shannon and I went out to see one of our favorite bands and have drinks last week. She and I are dealing with something similar and I decided to take her out since she was feeling a bit down. Many shots of Jameson, tears and several beers later I decided to give up on “Mr. Online” and relinquish any attachment I have to any guy that is married.
So that means:
“Mr. semi famous Online”- haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks, hurt my feelings and lied about being married…over it!
Mgr at Electronics Company (Mr Berkley Professor)- MAJOR wuss! Too much sunshine for me and he’s married…over it.
Guy I met 3 weeks ago at Hairball show (Mr. “Are you Slow?”)- He’s very smart, very cool and has already saved my ass with the car. Unfortunately I hate his lifestyle. He parties too much, isn’t structured, ambitious, creative, and doesn’t take care of himself being that he’s in his forties. He seems too easy to manipulate and I certainly don’t want someone like that. So we decided to remain friends. He’s a friend that I can go to a sports bar, drink beers and watch a football game with..can’t beat that!

However, in the course of the past year I have slowly developed a slight “crush” on one of the members of a local band the girls and I see. He seems funny, a bit introverted but is “the consummate entertainer”, smart, ambitious, creative, he’s my age and not MARRIED! He’s not in great shape, extremely hot or anything, just a simple guy that probably drinks straight out of the milk carton just like any other single guy.
I’m trying to play this one logically and practically, since I didn’t with “Mr. Online” and it got me nowhere. There’s a lot of competition that’s also vying for his attention so I’m thinking my odds are zip…but never hurts to try…guaranteed I’m smarter than 90% of them anyway..
When Shannon and I were out he approached us. He focused his energy on speaking to Shannon and glanced at me twice. ?? This leads me to believe that he is either disinterested, or intimidated. Neither one I can figure out… If disinterested, why talk to us at all? If intimidated; why ?? I’m not scary; I’m just a nice girl that won’t put up with your shit …

I Hate This Life-Can I Have Yours Part D-oh!

I’m recovering more and more each day from my leg surgery and due to go in tomorrow to have the other one worked on. However I’d noticed in the last couple of days that my car was not “kicking in” when I shifted it into gear and I was having issues keeping it at 60 mph going home. I was hoping to keep it going until Friday, since I have Friday evening off. It became increasingly worse last night coming home from the airport to the point where my dad convinced me not to wait and just bring it in.
To make a long story short, I was on my way to meet P at the body shop and the car just stopped moving. The engine was running the car just wouldn’t move. So I called the body shop to tell them that I was bringing it in, called the towing company and then called P to come get me. As we waited in the car for the towing company, I broke out in tears. See, if you’ve been keeping up you already know that I’m $7,000 in debt and my mortgage jumped up and I am hanging on by a thread to make sure I don’t default AND I just had minor leg surgery 2 days ago. Now this. I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me that my car is now toast. If it were February and I had my tax check in hand, I’d be golden, but that’s 3 months away and I have no car and am a hair from losing my house. In my hysteria I screamed that I wish I had died when I had cancer 2 years ago. It would be a hell of a lot better than this crap. MISTAKE! P went nuts and started screaming at me about how dumb I was for saying that, that I am his family, he cares about me and so do other people, that by wishing that I was being quite stoopid and selfish. He held my hand and promised that he, I and with perhaps some help, will work it out. I actually believed it for a second. I just can’t figure out how.

Now, if you keep up with me or have looked in my archives, I’m usually in some kind of debt. That’s part of my life I guess. It’s not debt from shopping sprees or lack of money mgmt but usually car issues or overpaying on my debt that makes me go into debt. I took on a majority of P’s debt at one point and it never ended after that. Then it was my car that was my debt for awhile, then school, then adjusting my finances from a $600/mo apartment payment to a $1075./mo house payment to $6,000 in medical bills, heating costs from last winter and car issues. I’d love to take the bus but the bus stop is 5 miles away on the other side of town and I have the job at the airport….. The last bus that comes into my town is at 7p, my job at the airport ends at 9p.


Anyway, I’m caught in a situation where I need to decide between my house or a car, I can’t afford to do both. So there it is…black and white.


A job as a stripper is looking pretty good right now I gotta tell ya.


Self pity aside, my friend Stacey is currently facing breast cancer….show her some love and sign her guest book.. Love ya and hang in there Stace!

Enough Already!!!!

OK, still dealing with re-financing the house, alas with no luck. I’m unable to get the same rate or a lower one, which means my payment, is going to go up regardless of what or how I rearrange my finances…Grrr! I’m going to have to get a part time job-again. At least for a year, this stinks because of school, and new job.

I have passed my school audit and had my evaluation and have completed my registration.
My graduation is set for December 2008 or at the latest March 2009. That is without “testing out” of some of the Marketing classes either. Depending on how many classes I can test out of will change the graduation date-obviously. I was hoping less time, but whatever, it can be done.

The job at the electronics company is ok. I’m learning and tooling along trying to learn as quickly as I can. I have to say that I’m not really into it. I’m not sure where the lackadaisical attitude is coming from. I walk in everyday with the “Eh, whatever.” Attitude. I find that I’m suffering mostly from being scared and the culture shock of all-still. I’m not feeling overwhelmed just not informed enough and that I’m having to rely on my memory mostly. Things here move very fast and if you’re not on the train, you’re left behind. Everyone wants me to hold their hand on everything. They want me to update their meetings with who is attending and who isn’t, which for 50 people is a lot since this company likes to have meetings. I can’t say I feel comfortable moving things around on calendars…I’ve already screwed up a meeting re-occurrence, the list goes on.